I am tired but can’t sleep. Yay! This familiar situation again 😒.
Why? Because the message tonight spoke about insecurities and, of course, God has already been at work showing me some of mine. Scars from people in my past, frustrations with people in my present and fears of what might not happen in the future. What happened tonight is that they all hit all at once.
Scars. There are moments in your life when an action or word from someone you trust cuts into your heart. You feel in that moment, your outlook has change as your trust dies. The deepest cuts not only kills the trust of the person wounding you but your trust in others and even yourself.
This week, I was made aware of an old wound that has been reshaping my behavior. It causes me to feel sick inside and actual want to run away from certain people. Silly, yes! What a sight it would be to see a grown woman run away from someone who has done nothing to her! Luckily, I have fought the urge to run. I have tried to face things head on. Conquer my fear and insecurities! But some insecurities are rooted in experience with people and need people to help pull them loose.
Frustration: Everyone has insecurities, fear, doubts, worries and frustrations. Some people rather sit in these hardships then take the steps to overcome them. But please, don’t play the sympathy card if you know how to overcome and yet choose not to.
Fear of what might not come in the future…. I guess I am afraid of missing my opportunity to overcome. I want to tackles and win some of these battles but again…. There are times when you needs others to make that possible.
I am independent person but I am a verbal processor. I don’t want to dump any of my problems on people but sometimes if a hurt is placed there by another human being… You will need a different human being come along and help you work it out. What if I never find a person who is willing?
So there you have it. This is what keeps me awake on this peaceful night. My God is great. He can handle my fear and pain. He has helped me this far… We have overcome so much!!! This is a cake walk compared to the rest!
Maybe I will dream of cake now…